Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
