my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
