I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
