on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
