peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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