I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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