I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
