so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
