K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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