we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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