I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
