he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
