Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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