I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
