So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
