I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
