I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
