Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
