you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
