I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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