Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
