Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
