Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
