Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
