I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
