we have officially lost it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize