Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
