you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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