What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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