my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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