I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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