It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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