btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
