I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
