Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
