allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
