She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
