The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize