so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
