This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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