Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize