im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
