Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
