drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
