in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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