Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We're too hungover to prance.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
