the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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