we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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