no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
