She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
