Sponge bath it is.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
