We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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