Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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