too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
