i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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