I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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