There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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