just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
