Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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