Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
