I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
