Christians are straight up FREAKS
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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