I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
4 words: hood of his car
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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