Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
