somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize