Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
