Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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