what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
