Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
