Soap is not a condiment
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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