I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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