She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
