mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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