I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize