Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
