yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
