did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
