I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
