saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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