i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
