Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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