As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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