You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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