I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
