Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
