i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize