You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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