i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
