just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
