you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
