I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
