I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
