i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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