How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
