Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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