I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
