And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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