did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
