tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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