did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
