Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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