Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
