Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're like the curious george of whores
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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