the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
