another moral hangover. fuck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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