The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
