I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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