"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize