im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
