So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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