Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
