dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
