3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
