i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
