i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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