took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
